Hello and Welcome

Hello! Welcome to my new blllllooogggg!! I’m Sam. I created this blog because I have had quite the journey over the last 3 years coming to this place I am now and I have a lot of wisdom and stories that I’d like to share. I am a retired vetran of the fast food industry. I LOVE WHOPPERS! My career came crumbling to a hault approximately three years ago when an accident caused a head injury, and I have been wading through chaos ever since.

I’ve spent so much time anazlyzing points in my life, trying to figure out how I ended up here. I’m 43, and I just ended an abusive and toxic relationship. I am divorced, and I’ve been “disabled” or essentially unemployed for 2 years and 2 weeks. I purchased my home in March of 2013, and I am currently living here as a squatter. I haven’t been able to make a morgage payment since July of 2019. This is NOT how things are supposed to go! All my life I believed that if I worked hard and paid my bills on time, everthing would be okay. I had been a loyal, hard working employee since the beginning. Loyal to Burger King and loyal to my team. And when I crashed and burned, they kept going without me, without batting an eye. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

I have been living with a man for somewhere close to two and a half years. He has been a walking living karma lesson for me. He had told me near the beginning of our friendship that if I was going to be “with” him, I need to learn how to manage my own emotions. He said that if his actions provoked emotion within me, such as jealousy, I really needed to look at why I was feeling insecure. Basically, “he can do what he wants” kind of thing. Completely emotionally unstable, completely emotionally abusive, angry, loud, controlling, violent. He was also attractive, intelligent, charismatic, and came packaged with a beautiful little blond daughter. So complex. I don’t even know how I ended up here. My head is still spinning.

I have so much to say about all of this. I have been abused and mistreated my whole life and I’ve just allowed it. It’s been “okay” just to keep the peace. But none of it is okay, and some of it is horrible. I’ve also had some serendipidous moments these years that ties it all together in a nice little “awakened” package. I am healing and evolving. I have been back and forth about sharing my stories because of the backlash from the people living in my life. Ultimately this blog is about my journey, and so I’ve decided that I will deal with their emotions as we go. I am posting from my experiences and my perspective, and if people did want me to write about them in such a way, they shouldn’t have behaved that way.

I’ve titled this blog “It’s Just My Face” for a specific reason. In February of 2019, it was one of the last times I spoke to the owner of the company that I worked for. I admired that man dearly. He had come through for me a few times, and really encouraged me as a leader within his organization. He was minimizing my injury. He was telling me that I was making a mistake by taking time off, the time I was BEGGING for since I had gotten hurt. We didn’t know what was wrong at that point, I just had all these symptoms and no pin point. He said, “It’s just your face.”

Just. Just my face. Explain to me, how do you do anything without using your face?

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